As the knowledgeable advisers to the dating masses, the question we get all the time is the most simple: “What makes for a good date?” So we’re kicking this blog off with the detailed response that also sums up what this site is all about: finding the best dates in New York City. Here are five simple elements that will craft the perfect date. They’re also the five elements on our site that make up the “date-ability” of a DateSpace.

Originality
Never forget this: The greatest dates are those that you and your partner have never been on before. Human beings will remember things that stand out in their minds. It’s that simple.

Original dates will stand out in the mind of the person you’re trying to attract. With a creative get-together you’ll leave a better first impression than anyone else he or she has ever dated.

In psychology (something one of our members knows a thing or two about), there’s this little law that’s called the mere exposure effect. Basically, it states that we tend to like things better the more and more we sense them. It’s the reason why certain songs take “repeated listenings” to fully enjoy. It’s the reason why certain foods are “acquired tastes.” It’s the reason why visual art often requires “multiple viewings” to understand. And it applies to people as well. The more we think about a person, the more likely we are to enjoy their company the next time we see them. Make sense? Attraction requires being on a person’s mind. To get there, you need to stand out. And to stand out, you need to be original.

Building Rapport
We are attracted to those individuals with whom we have built rapport. We are attracted to our friends because of a platonic rapport that has been built. And we are attracted to our lovers because of a romantic rapport that has been established.

The stronger the rapport that is built over the course of a relationship, the harder it will be for that relationship to break apart.

As a result, activities that allow people to built rapport with one another are fantastic ideas for dates, since the primary purpose of a date is to create attraction. Think about it: no one would ever agree to go out on a date with someone else if there wasn’t, at some subconscious level of thinking, a burning curiosity to find attraction. Well, rapport-building activities help to speed that process along.

Any activity that has two people working as a team, like cooking a meal together or renting a two-seater bicycle, is an excellent opportunity for rapport-building, and thus, a great idea for a date. Even activities that offer an opportunity for friendly competition - a round of mini golf, a game of Trivial Pursuit - will allow rapport to be established. Competitive games are wonderful excuses to be flirtatious, as long as neither party takes themselves too seriously. And there’s plenty of competition to be had in New York City.

Keeping it Low-Key
Remember this: the fact that the person you asked out said “yes” to your offer is a sign that they are interested in learning more about you. Unless you normally go out for $200 dinners every night of the week, don’t ruin this opportunity to reveal the true you.

An expensive dinner or lavish gift early on in a relationship puts a price tag on how you value the other person. How would you feel if after a few dates someone said you were worth only $200 to her?

Low-key dates are the best ways to get to know new people because their primary purpose is to avoid the two big things that make most people uncomfortable to think about: money and clingyness. While I personally don’t recommend food on a first date because we are all, to self degree, self-conscious eaters in front of strangers, if you must have food on your first date, then do it at an inexpensive place, and to really keep the pressure off, go dutch when the check arrives!

Starting Conversation
It sound obvious, but it’s impossible to have a good date without verbal interaction. During those first few dates, extended periods of awkward silence can ruin what could potentially be, in the words of Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, “a long and meaningful relationship.” If you’re not good at starting conversations (but don’t worry, we’ll tell you in a later post how to prevent this from ever happening again), pick a date that naturally induces talking. For example, movies are great dates for shy people, because once you get out of the movie theater and head over to a coffee shop or quiet bar, you’ll have hours worth of conversation fodder. People can talk about movies forever. After you discuss the movie you just saw you’ll inevitably start comparing it to other movies you’ve seen. And of course, there’s going to be movies that you’ve seen that the other person hasn’t, and you can describe in detail how great that particular movie is. You see where we’re going with this? Movies are amazing conversation starters because they are so universal.

Taking walks through street fairs and parks also induces conversation because of countless environmental cues. Talking to strangers and people that you have known for only a brief period of time is very difficult. Why make it any harder than it already is? Try to make it easier by picking places that incite talking, like an art museum, or a comedy club, or a zoo.

And all the things that make great dates are related to one another of course. The more you talk, the more rapport you’re going to build, and the more rapport you build, the more attractive you will become. It’s just human nature.

Romantic Potential
If a date doesn’t have even a hint of romance, you run the risk of becoming “just friends.” Now, if all you want is a friend, then you don’t have to worry about a date’s romantic potential. However, if you do intend to be more than “just friends” (interpret that as you will), you need to pick dates that cause some romantic feelings to stir. We’re not advocating dates that are overtly romantic (like a candlelight dinner, because remember - that’s not original! See above if you’re still confused), but rather, dates that may not seem to be romantic at first glance actually are.

If you take your date out to a concert of really modern music that’s painful on the ears, you’re going to lose the romance of a “concert date” (unless Philip Glass makes her heart melt). But if you take that same date out to an intimate jazz club, then you’re golden. Same basic date concept, but the specific type of concert establishes the romantic link necessary to move on to the next stage of a relationship.

Dinners are the same way. Family-style restaurants = bad. Restaurants that have of lot of tables for two = good.

There you have it. The recipe for dating success. The rest is up to you.

What do you think? Are there other elements that you think should be included? Post them into the comments section below.

Happy Dating!