Happy Halloween, DateSpacers. Hope your dates haven’t been scary this month. This week’s question comes to us from Laura, who sent this one all the way from Staten Island: “I went out the other night with some friends, and this guy came up to me and we chatted for a couple of hours. But then he and his friends left, and he didn’t ask for my number. So how can I tell if somebody’s actually interested in me?”
This may sound like an easy question to answer, but it’s not. Most of us need more than a feeling before we take the leap and ask somebody out on a date or for a phone number, especially in New York City. Fortunately, most people, shy or bold, send clear signals to the object of their affection, so you just have to know what to look out for. None of these signals are “silver bullets”, however, so you may have to get several of them before you can be sure. That being said, if somebody is actually into you, it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure it out.
Flirting takes many forms, and will obviously be different if you’re at the office or at a bar, but probably the most common (and everyone’s favorite!) is body language. Did he touch your arm, did the girl put her hand on your shoulder? Does she smile and laugh at all your jokes, does he look you right in the eye? Don’t miss the most obvious clues you’re going to get!
So if he didn’t ask for your number but showed those signs, that’s a rare case. Usually, that flirting leads to further communication, whether it’s over the phone or emails. Frequency is another good sign. Does he send you a lot of emails, or post on your Facebook wall all the time? Does she call you or text you frequently when she’s “just saying hi”? These are strong signs. If the guy or girl you’re thinking about asks you to a party or other event, that’s a good sign too. Many times people will ask you to what amounts to a “pre-date” in a public setting before they ask you on a real (more intimate) one, or are in fact priming you to ask them. Many people also employ what we like to call the “trickle down” approach: If you tell enough friends that you think Joe is cute, it eventually has to get back to him, right? To pick up on these signals, keep your ear low to the ground, and it never hurts to ask some mutual friends what they think (or might have heard).
One other good method we recommend is to send some of your own signals and see what comes back to you. It’s the sonar approach; think submarines. If you feel like your signals are being returned with positive responses and additional flirting, you’re probably in the safe-zone to ask somebody out. If all your approaches are shot down or unanswered, you’re probably in enemy territory.
Just remember, it never hurts to ask. If all your sleuthing doesn’t make things clear, and you feel like you’re in some bad Tom Clancy CIA novel, then just go for it and ask the person out! The only thing you’ll lose is uncertainty.
What are some of the signals you’ve experienced? Post them in the comments sections below!
