This just in, DateSpaces faithful: we received an email three days ago, and it sounds like one of our readers had a Black Friday of her own in New York City. Allison, writing from Yonkers, says: “I’ve gone on a bunch of first and second dates lately with guys and they haven’t gone beyond that. I had a great time with all of them, but they haven’t called me back. I’ve tried calling and texting to find out what gives, but I’ve heard nothing. What am I doing wrong!?!”

Sounds like you got what we call a Jackie-O-PBO (polite brush off!). We feel your pain.

As many of us know, relationships, whether at the nascent stages or much later on, tend not to work out. Don’t despair! It’s better to find out things are incompatible earlier than later because, as you’ve probably heard ad nauseum, there are many more fish in the sea for you to date.

What’s important to remember is to make sure your feelings are communicated clearly so that the chances of a second date aren’t spoiled by your own coyness, coolness, or lack of communication. You can’t control what the other person feels, but make sure you are not the roadblock. If you think the first date went well, you had a good time and would like to go out again, make sure you say so! Being “too cool” to call or playing the “waiting game” only messes with your own mind and sends mixed signals to your date. Within a day or two you should call or write and let your date know that you want to see him/her again (please note, that we think that this applies to all sexes!). Be straightforward with your feelings and you may just score yourself a second chance with someone who thought the first date didn’t go so well.

Your other problem, Allison, might be how things went on your next meeting. The second date is a different animal than the first date. By agreeing to go on a second date, both participants are expressing that they had a good first date and they’d like to dig deeper. You want to make sure to provide some of that additional information. As our site’s philosophy suggests, where you go and what you do is an important part of the equation. You’ve already successfully maneuvered through the stylized kabuki of the first date, so you now have a chance to inject more of your own character into the itinerary. It’s a chance to be a bit less formal, and a bit more fun - not that your first date should have been torture!

Because the first date most likely got most of the interview-like questions out of the way, the second date is your chance to have more meaningful conversation and find out what else you have in common. Take your date to somewhere special: is there a candle-lit Italian restaurant you’ve been going to for years where the waiters know your name, or how about a secret bar or an ethnic restaurant where you can be adventurous, but which might make you sweat a bit? If you’re the one who is accepting the second date, but not planning it, you could suggest he/she chooses a fun activity to see your date in a different light. A good goal for the second date is to find an environment or activity that is comfortable, where you can let your hair down or loosen your tie a bit, and which most importantly is conducive to good conversation and laughter.

New Yorkers: Give some of your suggestions for Allison below.