Hope you’re staying warm, DateSpacers. This week’s question reaches us from the gentrified neighborhood known as Hell’s Kitchen. Aaron asks us, “You guys seem to know the definitive rules about dating. So what is the protocol about getting someone’s number and making the first phone call?”

Aaron, ask and ye shall receive. Your question is so important that we’re devoting two weeks’ worth of Ask Our Staff to it.

Let’s paint the picture: You’ve been talking to a great person the whole evening. The bar just announced last call (about 3:45am in New York City and 1:45am everywhere else), and if you have any chance of getting a date from this exchange, you’re going to have to get some contact information first.

Here are three rules to follow when you find yourself in this sort of situation.

Rule #1: Get the number
Sure, we live in a super high tech world, but nothing, not email, not IM, not skype, not text, will replace the confidence, old-fashioned tenderness, and personal touch of a phone call.

Rule #2: Give your number too.
When you give your number to the other person, they will inevitably plug it into their cell phone. Such is the world we live in today. The good thing about this is that they can screen your call. So if you call and they answer, they’ll know it’s you and you can feel extra confident that the person still wants to talk to you. If you don’t give the person you’re phone number, you’ll never know when you get their voicemail if that means the person was in the subway or if the person just didn’t want to speak to you.

Rule #3: Tell the person when you’re going to call them.
We’re all busy, and as a result, we appreciate knowing when things are coming up. If you’re going to wait two days to call or three days, that’s fine, but be upfront and let the person know. If you meet them on Friday, and you want to call them on Monday, simply say, “I’ll give you a ring a Monday.” It doesn’t make you look weak at all. If anything, it makes you look busier because you’re fitting them into your schedule.

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We’d be remiss if we didn’t elaborate on Rule #1, so here goes…

There are two schools of thought and they both work just fine.

1. Obvious
In this situation, the person asking for the number leaves no room for misunderstanding. He or she makes it perfectly clear what they want. “I’m going to call you this week. What’s your phone number?” or “Give me your phone number,” or (passing cell phone to other person) “Put your number in.”

All three of these lines show a tremendous degree of self-assurance. If you make the slightest change to the language, for example, “Can I get your number?” instead of “Give me your number,” not only are you leaving the option for a “no” answer, but you’re showing a lack of confidence.

2. Subtle
For those who prefer to flirt a little while longer, the subtle approach to digit-getting is perfectly acceptable, as long as it is done with the degree of confidence that the obvious approach presumes. In the subtle approach, the person you’re asking winds up offering his or her phone number to you. Example:

Person 1: “I have tickets to this exotic circus on Thursday. I’m really excited.”
Person 2: “That sounds so cool. I love circuses.”
Person 1: “We should go together, but I don’t have your number, so I can’t call you to give you the details.”

See where this is going?

Here are some more subtle lines that will make your target laugh – the ultimate attraction signal – and guarantee a set of digits:

“I bet you can’t guess my phone number.”
“Let’s play a game, and if I win, you give me your number. If you win, you also give me your number.”

In next week’s AoS, we’ll discuss the first phone call.

How do you acquire digits? Tell the DateSpaces community below: