Did you ever see When Harry Met Sally (pictured, right)? It’s one of our favorite movies at DateSpaces headquarters because it deals with an ageless dilemma of dating life. It’s a common question that all of us have pondered at one time or another, and most of us are never able to quite piece together the correct answer. Jon Z. from Valley Stream poses the question to us this week, after going without a New Year’s Eve kiss this year. He says, I’m really into a good friend of mine. I want to ask her out on a “real” date but I don’t know how to tell her how I feel about her. Do you think it would ruin the friendship if I told her?”
We’ll be straight up here and give you the short answer first, Jon. The answer is yes. Yes, it will most likely ruin the friendship if you tell her how you feel. That said, it is not impossible to get a “real” date (and quite possibly a relationship) with a person you already consider a good friend. As with most dating issues, there are several ways around it that allow you to both save face if the plan goes south and appear as if you’re not trying too hard to win her favor.
We want you to look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase 10 times: Actions speak louder than words! The key here is not to TELL her how you feel, but SHOW her. The same rule goes for all you ladies out there too, by the way. There is no better or faster way to ruin a perfectly good friendship by telling your good friend that you’ve been secretly in love with him for the last 6 months, unless he’s secretly been in love with you too. That is rarely the case though. Once you’ve crossed into the “Friend Zone,” it’s very difficult to get back into romantic contention, but not impossible. So, to review: Actions speak louder than words. Don’t TELL her how you feel, SHOW her.
How do you show her, you ask? I want you to go back and read up on an old blog post that addresses this very question and explains how to avoid the friend zone in the first place. We want you to immediately begin adding these new behaviors into your interactions with your crush. She’ll know that something is up without you having to have the dreaded “Conversation.” If you don’t immediately begin showing your romantic interest by becoming more suggestive and tactile with the object of your affection, you’ll stay in the Friend Zone indefinitely. Remember to be playful and not too serious about it! Here’s another blog posting that explains exactly how to be more confident and playful, and it will allow you to send a clear message that you’re interested without having to spill the beans and risk your feelings: Kiss The Girl.
We’ll leave you with one more bit of wisdom and send you on your merry way. This one doesn’t come from us but comes directly from dating guru extraordinaire, David DeAngelo, founder of www.DoubleYourDating.com. He has a saying that rings true in your situation: Give her the gift of missing you. If you can show her that you’re interested in a physically playful, romantic way without making her feel weird or pressured about it, and then disappear for a few days, making her miss having you around, you’ve found the magic formula for getting from the Friend Zone to the End Zone (get it?). Best of luck to you, Jon.
What are some of your best strategies to turn a friend into more? Post your ideas below.
