Here at DateSpaces HQ, there are some questions to which we can’t agree about an answer. So we got two of our staffers (one female, one male) to argue it in a feature we’d like to call: Date Debate.

The first query: Who should pay on the first date?

Stephanie says: Guys, of course you should pay on a first date. If you want to make a good impression then trust me, coughing up a couple of extra dollars goes a long way. Once, while out for drinks with a guy, I was forced to pick up the tab and pay for the cab ride back to our respective homes. I knew then that he was not dating material (ok, that and the fact that he was kind of lame).

But anyway, let me explain why I was so turned off. If a guy is reluctant to buy me dinner, or even a drink, I automatically think he’s probably cheap, which also makes me think he’s stingy with his time, feelings, and perhaps in more intimate ways… Paying for a woman’s meal says: “I like you and want to treat you to a nice time.” On the other hand, not paying says: “I’m not sure how I feel about you and I’m not going to spend more money than I have to because you may not be worth it.”
And no, I’m not saying guys should always pay. After the first date it makes sense to either go Dutch or for the woman to treat you. But give yourself the chance to get that far!

Charles says: This is the 21st century. Men and women are equal. So why do males have the onus to pay? When it comes to first dates, neither party wants to invest in the relationship just yet. Therefore, there should be an unspoken agreement that both sides should split the bill down the middle. A few years back, I took a woman out on a date to see a movie, and she got insulted that I was going to pay for her ticket. As I remember, she said, with an offended tone, “I make good money, so I can pay for my own ticket, thank you very much!” You can pretty much guess where that one went…

In addition, there’s method to our so-called madness: men don’t want women to feel that they owe something back after we’ve spent our money on them. Women should feel that they’re on equal footing. Imagine if I’d taken you to an expensive restaurant and paid for the $100 bill on my own. Especially in this day and age, wouldn’t you feel guilty that I spent all this money and expect that I want to get something in return?

I don’t believe that men should be tagged “undate-able” just because they don’t pay (though, the fact that your guy was lame…well, that’s a good reason!). As I’ve mentioned above, it’s meant to put you at ease. Agreeing to pay Dutch (where did that phrase come from, anyway? Wikipedia says this) is a good way to get everybody on the same level. I promise – it’s on me the next time!