We’ve given you a lot of great advice on what to do in a relationship. But, DateSpacers, we’re realistic - things don’t always work out. So to prepare you for those possibilities, we’re giving you a series on how to break up. Your author is H.C. Ingram.

Acknowledgement: Breaking up (from either side) sucks (unless you are a heartless jerk and then you probably won’t read this article anyway).

Breaking up, like an adult requires guts, even more guts than asking someone out because unlike the later there is no positive re-enforcement (e.g. a gratified ego or the possibility of sex) associated with it. Think you can do it? Ok channel your inner Spartan, sack up and read on!

Rip off the band-aid – just do it.

1. Do it in person. Although with the prevalence of technology, one could argue that if the majority of your relationship was conducted over the phone e.g. long distance or some other medium (on-line, IM, texting, etc.) using the same technology to end it is not as taboo as it might been a decade ago. One hard and fast rule - never do it while someone is at work.

2. Be as clear and straightforward as possible. If you are confused don’t break up (I’ll deal with this in a future installment), but if you are sure of how you feel, you aren’t sparing anyone’s feelings by being ambiguous.

3. Articulate your reasons, to an extent. Don’t leave them wondering why you aren’t happy. You can say you don’t think the person is the right person for you. That it won’t work out because of things you may have already discussed (distance, timing, religion etc) don’t mention things they can’t change - perhaps you don’t find them attractive, or their laugh is annoying. (conversely, if you are ever being broken up with, don’t push someone into telling you something you don’t want to hear.)

4. Avoid using cliches. I don’t want to hear - “you deserve more”, “I’m confused”, “I just don’t think I can give you what you need.” Seriously in NYC we’ve all seen it/heard it. If you can’t be original, straightforward and honest will do.

Finally, when in doubt use the golden rule - duh.

Don’t do the following:

Wuss Strategy A – Just Stop Calling Yeah sure eventually s/he will get the picture - and some people like this because it requires minimal effort and it will help the other person get over you quicker because s/he will realize that you are a selfish, immature jerk and you probably don’t keep exes as friends anyway.

Wuss Strategy B – Avoid It… Become emotionally distant, stop doing all the things you were doing when you were still into her/him. Generally make life as unpleasant as possible while you avoid figuring out what you want and if you are lucky s/he will break up with you!

Final Note: Be Prepared
S/He might want to talk/try and talk you out of it. That is going to be painful and generally suck. As best you can, listen, but remain clear about what you want (yeah even if you have awesome break up sex)… and seriously wait at least a few months before trying “to be friends.”

Good luck!

H.C. Ingram is a marketing manager living in exile in Westchester, who appreciates any and every opportunity to hop a train to GCT. Her perfect New York date depends on the company - but might simply be wandering around Central Park and sitting in the sun on warm rocks.