We’ve given you a lot of great advice on what to do in a relationship. But, DateSpacers, we’re realistic – things don’t always work out. So to prepare you for those possibilities, we’re giving you a series on how to break up. Part I can be found here. Your author is H.C. Ingram.

Some of you who read this will wonder why the hell anyone would need to be told “how to tell if they should break up.” Let me congratulate you, it is nice to be self-aware, bouncing through life in an uncluttered, uncomplicated manner. I’m not suggesting such self-awareness is indicative of a lack depth, merely that it helps. Also you can stop reading now.

For the rest of you, I think you would agree that being in a relationship (inside of love as it were), is a bit like being in a black hole. Ok that’s not true, that would imply super dense gravity and time distortions I think…my geek card doesn’t really give me black hole knowledge privileges. My point is: things seem different when colored by emotions, hormones and the gravity of being in someone else’s orbit. Breaking up is hard especially when considered in conjunction with most people’s tendencies towards the following irrationalities including:

1. Undue weight on sunk costs (remembering the good times)
2. Fear of being /dying alone
3. Fear of the unknown
4. Fear of change

True sometimes it’s easy, like the decision to dump the guy who thought blowjobs weren’t cheating, the guy who never laughed at your jokes or when there is someone much more awesome (it happens). Sometimes though it’s more complicated and listening to your heart feels like prognosticating and we have to look for signs.

The Top 3 Signs

3. Flirting. When a hot guy winks at you or flirts with you do you respond? You know what I mean are you FWI (flirting with intent). People committed or in love do not flirt the same way (don’t play innocent you know what I mean)

2. The friends. Do you like his friends? Do they like you? Personally I think the quality of someone’s friends (and the depth of their relationships) says a lot about them. I also think how well you fit into your partners life says a lot about the long term potential of your affair.
1. How good is the sex? True Story: When one of my friends was contemplating ending it with her live in boyfriend I had to ask , “How’s the Sex?” her answer, “Um.” Ok so maybe you don’t believe bad sex is a deal breaker, but you would be foolish to ignore this important signal your body is sending you.

One final note: breaking up isn’t a necessarily a solo decision. If you both respect the other person, are fairly mature and communicative – you might be surprised that you can figure things out together and sometime things work out even better than you imagined.

Bon courage.

H.C. Ingram is a marketing manager living in exile in Westchester, who appreciates any and every opportunity to hop a train to GCT. Her perfect New York date depends on the company – but might simply be wandering around Central Park and sitting in the sun on warm rocks.