Dear Letty,
It’s happening again! I am currently with a great woman. She’s smart, witty, well traveled, well read, adventurous in both life and the bedroom, and she is a knockout! We’ve been together for three wonderful months. And that is it. Three months is my limit. I can already feel my eyes begin to wander, watching every long pair of legs that walks by our table, or great pair of tits that is sitting at a red light next to us. She has noticed, but has yet to comment on it. My dating history is littered with the remains of extremely wonderful women.
My father was the same kind of guy; hugely successful in business and he loved the ladies. He left us when I was just a kid and as far back as I can remember there was always a different hot, young, piece of eye-candy on his arm. I love him, but would prefer to be a guy who honors his commitment to his wife and children. I am getting in the age group where all of my friends already have a kid or two and all of their wives refuse to hook me up with their friends because they are aware of my fatal flaw: I throw perfectly good women in the trash. Help me be a better man! Thanks in advance.
Three Month Rule (33 y/o)
Dear TMR,
Thanks for writing in. There is a thing called womb wounds, it is where a mother tries so hard to ensure that what she worried about as a girl growing up does not affect her daughter– that the daughter winds up suffering exponentially worse from the exact same issues. Well, there is a similar scenario that occurs with guys. Look at how you are repeating the pattern that you learned from your dad. Let’s coin a term here: testicular trauma. From this day forward, testicular trauma, in the therapeutic realm, is going to be the male equivalent to womb wounds.
So, there it is, you are in a group if males who is suffering from psychological TT. If we really analyze the situation here, the tossing of the women after three months is a symptom of what is really at the root of the issue; your manhood. Most men run and ditch their family, or their wonderfully sexy, sophisticated, and successful girlfriend for the same reason– they don’t feel man enough. That’s right, I said that you don’t feel man enough, man enough to be able to keep the relationship afloat, man enough to be the kind of guy who can commit, man enough who will be able to make love to his woman once the honeymoon phase is but a speck in your rearview mirror.
The TT cycle goes on for generations in males, unless someone steps up and psychologically grows a pair of balls big enough to be able to stand up and say, “I AM MAN ENOUGH!” That’s got to be you TMR. You’ve got to learn who you are, what you are about, love yourself for all of your strengths and weaknesses, and be man enough to forgive yourself when you screw up. I advise people in your shoes to stop dating and instead to set out on a personal renaissance; explore your untapped talents, take classes in things that you’ve always said you’d try and commit to the idea that you are going to discover new facets of your inner self. Learn to express in mediums that are foreign; write poetry, paint, sculpt, draw, or take photographs.
Once you find some new talents, dedicate time to honing them. Work on projects and see them through until you get your desired outcome and once you’ve gotten there, set new goals. Join a group, or groups, that consist of people who share your vision. Begin to live in a beautiful world where you are committed to your sense of expression and love the man who is in your body. This is when you should be able to have a chance at engaging in a successful long-term committed romantic relationship.
It takes work. And by it, I mean life. Life is not just– get up go to your job, go see the hot chick, bang hot chick, dump hot chick, go to work, repeat… Life, a rich fulfilling life, takes work. Here is a link to a site that I think may be useful: http://www.selfcreation.com/index.htm. Follow the step I have offered in conjunction with what you find on the site and in your heart. There are tons of you out there, so don’t feel alone.
Look on the bright side; you are getting a head start. So many people don’t work on their ‘self’ until they’ve already screwed things up a couple of times. Asking for help is the first step in making things better. You are on the right track. Keep at it and let me know if there is anything else I can help you with.
Lotsa Luv!
LL
©2008 Letty Livingston: Let Letty Help is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.
Read more of Letty Livingston’s sage words at http://blog.myspace.com/lettylivingston, http://letlettyhelp.blogspot.com
