Dear Letty,
What do you think about texting the person you are dating? I’ve had some FWB relationships where we texted the hell outta each other, and it was cool, for what it was. But now that I am in a serious LTR with a guy, it really bothers me that he won’t take the time to pick up the phone to talk to me. He would when we first got together, but now that it has been nearly a year all I get are texts. What is the rule about it?
Carpel Tunnel (27)
Dear CT,
I’d like to establish a “No Texting” zone. It would be smack-dab in the middle of any reciprocal romantic relationship. I say reciprocal since, as you mentioned, with FWB (friends with benefits) relationships, booty calls, or one night stand type set-ups there is not much emotional investment. They are carnal interactions. But when the heart is as involved as the body, i.e. your LTR (long term relationship), the text messaging should be off limits.
I am known for saying that we show people how to treat us. So, if you let someone continuously text you, to the point where you feel they are avoiding you, you in fact, may be the one to blame; as you could have said months ago, “I don’t want you to text me anymore.”
Have no fear, this is not one of those, you can’t squeeze the toothpaste into the tube situations. You simply must put your foot down. Tell him that the texting makes you feel he is not emotionally invested enough in the relationship and in order to prove that he cares for how you feel he will no longer text you. This’ll be a great litmus test, for if he maintains his texting ways you know that he won’t care about things that would have carried a lot more emotional weight down the road and you can text him to take a walk. If he curbs the text messaging you know that you have a caring man in your midst and he is worth the effort a solid reciprocal romantic relationship takes.
LL
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©2008 Letty Livingston: Let Letty Help is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.
Read more of Letty Livingston’s sage words at http://blog.myspace.com/lettylivingston, http://letlettyhelp.blogspot.com
I dated a gal for about a year recently, and we did mix the texting in with calls. There were times that I knew she was in her office and could not talk, so a quick text that she could just read and not interfere in the office audio was just a little icing on the cake for the day, just a way of letting her know she was on my mind till we get a chance to talk again, so I would not go for a total text elimination so long as it is used judiciously.
For sure. I do the same with my man. However, in extreme cases where one person is using texting as a tool of avoidance. I think it best to eradicate it as a method of communication.
Thanks for your comment!
Lotsa Luv!
LL
I don’t do the texting thing anymore. However, when I did, it was just something along the lines of: “I just wanted you to know that you are in my heart and on my mind.”
Texting was merely an augumentation and not a replacement for telephone calls.
Hi Jay,
There is a fine line there. What I mean is ~ some guys are insecure and will text their “one” constantly, which can come off as, well, insecure. And women don’t like insecure men.
Most times waiting for the right time to look into the “one’s” eyes to tell her you love her is worth 100 texts with the same letters in the same order.
Think about it.
Thanks for chiming in!
MUAH!
LL