Being single isn’t easy (trust us, we know). That’s why we’re introducing a guy we’ll just call “The Player,” a bachelor who’s learned a thing or twenty from his various experiences as a single man. He’ll share his insights and give you the kind of advice every New York single guy needs to know.
The phone rang sooner than I’d expected. “I’m outside”, she said. “Come and get me.” As I left my apartment and approached her car, my heart began to pound as it always did whenever I had a new girl over. She was taller than me and appeared a little bit heavier than in her profile picture. “I’m glad you decided to come,” I said as opened my body to her, not leaving any time for the hug to feel the least bit awkward. She smelled really nice, not like perfume, but like fresh laundry. “Mmmm…you smell yummy,” she said, leaning into the embrace.
Her name was Marie and she was the first girl I’d ever met in person from Myspace. She was a pretty girl with natural blond hair and blue eyes, more of a rock chick than I prefer, but she would do for tonight. I had been experimenting for a couple of weeks, trying to figure out the best way to get pretty girls to respond to my private Myspace messages. Nothing seemed to work. After all, gorgeous women are approached online all the time. Later on, one girl even told me that she frequently receives unsolicited pictures of men’s penises via their webcams. I would realize some time later that to a beautiful woman, talking to boring men is almost as repulsive. No wonder they were reluctant to answer my desperate plea of, “Hi! What’s up?” I was still learning the game.
I took Marie by the hand and lead her inside the apartment. I gave her the obligatory tour. “This is the living room,” I said, still holding her hand. “This is where I cook delicious meals,” I proudly declared as I took her toward the bathroom. I always make it a point to show my bedroom last, just in case. As we exited the bathroom and I pushed open the bedroom door, she said, “So, is this where the magic happens?” It was a funny icebreaker, and I laughed on cue. “Call me David Blaine,” I quipped back. She brought a movie for us to watch. Earlier that evening, Marie had promised to come over and watch a movie on the condition that this was in no way, shape, or form, a booty call. I replied my usual, “Slow down sweetheart, I’m not that easy. I don’t even know you. Besides, I thought you might make a cool friend. If you’re not comfortable, I totally understand.” She arrived within the hour.
It turns out that the secret to meeting girls (or at the very least, having them respond to your messages) from Myspace is easier than you’d think. Simply friend request a girl without sending a message first. Pretty girls tend to have lots of friends they’ve never met, and they enjoy amassing the numbers. When you’re accepted, find the sexiest picture you can of her in her most seductive pose, and make an innocuous comment on something in the background. One time I came across a picture of a sexy girl with her shirt half open, arching her back toward the camera so her pink thong was visible.” She was in her bedroom and it was obviously a self-portrait. I commented on the unmade bed and pile of clothes on the floor. I received a private message from her ten minutes later saying, “So my room is messy. You got a problem with that?” Game on.
Five minutes into the movie, after some heavy flirting, I looked Marie in the eye and said, “Come here.” “For what?” she replied. I slowly moved toward her, my eyes locked on hers, and went in for a soft kiss. She moaned sweetly as I ran my hand up the back of her neck and gently pulled her hair. She kissed me back harder and began to suck my lower lip. We separated for a moment, quietly enjoying the electricity between us when she abruptly broke the silence, exclaiming, “I KNEW IT!” “What?” I fired back. “I knew you asked me here for a hookup. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” “Of course I asked you here for a hookup,” I thought to myself. “Listen, when you came here tonight I didn’t know that we would be attracted to each other. If I didn’t like you, we’d still be watching the movie, but there’s obviously something between us” I said. “I know, I know, you’re right…but I knew it!” she answered. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me back towards her, continuing what we started.
We had a lot of fun that night. I learned that she loved to bite and be bitten all over her body. I’d never had a woman request that before. I was reluctant to bite her too hard in the fear that I’d overdo it and hurt her. When she challenged me, I dug in harder. She taught me that the key was that you can’t be rough all the time. You have to alternate between biting and caressing. After a fun night of mutual pleasure, Marie and I parted ways. I never saw or heard from her again.
