I went to Starbucks a few nights ago to get my usual nightly cup of coffee (night owl here). It was 8pm on a Friday night and the coffee shop was pretty packed so there was an unusual 10 minute wait to get my drink. As I was waiting for my café latte to be made ready, I happened to notice a guy and a girl sitting right next to me. They both appeared to be in their mid 20’s. The guy was slouched down in his seat and his every body movement made him look like he was a robot. The girl on the other hand looked like she was mentally checked out of the conversation he was trying to have with her.

Now I realize that snooping in on other people’s conversations is something that really isn’t smiled upon in society, but I was bored and there was really nothing to do while I was waiting for the new Barista trainee to finish screwing up a simple iced coffee drink. After a few seconds of selective hearing, I determined that both of them were out on a first date. It also turns out that they had met each other online. Both guy and girl were reasonably good looking and I thought they both looked like (from a shallow physical level) they were “well within each other’s leagues”. So why then did the girl look like she wanted to escape that conversation by any means necessary?

I honestly don’t know. Maybe he told her he is a card carrying member of NAMBLA. Maybe he told her he likes to burn small furry animals for fun. I would however venture a guess that her lack of interest in the conversation was based (in part) upon the guy’s body language. Here is what I witnessed the guy doing wrong:

1. Slouched in his seat
2. His body movements (hands etc) were jerky and fast…not natural at all.
3. He had a hard time looking her in the eyes
4. He stuttered and stammered and spoke really fast.
5. He was staring at her breasts every 20 seconds (and so was I…so this is pretty much all I witnessed. I’m sure there was more).

In case you are too lazy to do some online research on body language, here are 5 things you need to keep in mind while out on the first few dates with a girl:

1. Tone of voice
2. Body posture when sitting in a seat as well as walking
3. Keep your chin up and never look at the ground like you are unsure
4. Keep your arm and leg movements slow.
5. Do not in any way shape or form cross your arms over your chest. This signifies that you are not opening up yourself to her.

Pay careful attention to your body language when you are out on the first few dates with a girl. Women pick up on body language very quickly and can easily tell a great deal about you by your actions and non-verbal communications. It can mean the difference between a second date or a swift kick in the balls. There are many self help websites out there that are dedicated to helping you improve your body language, or at the very least, keeping it in check.

Introducing your new girlfriend to your buddies should be an exciting occasion, but all too often it can spell a recipe for disaster.   Whether you realize it or not, the new gal in your life is still getting to know you.  She will be paying close attention to the things you do and the things you say for several months to come.  Remember the old saying “You are known by the company you keep” ?   Most women realize that sometimes the best way to get to know a guy is through his friends.   The last thing you probably want to do is take her out to a bar to meet “Big Baby Bubba”, your old college buddy who can simultaneously down a 40oz of Olde English and fart the National Anthem in pitch-perfect tone.   Good times in college…..but chances are not the first impression you want to make on your new girl.

Here are some suggestions to keep in mind when you are planning to take your new girlfriend out to meet your friends.  These tips do not necessarily apply to all women…..as I have taken a girl take me out to meet my (more rowdier) friends at a bar…..we all got wasted and my girl wound up kissing and fondling another girls breasts towards the end of the night !   (these things only seem to happen to me when I don’t have a digital camera at my disposal….)

Environment: 
While technically you can take your girl anywhere to meet your friends, sometimes a bar is the best place.  If she is shy, it will allow her to open up a bit around your buddies.  Keep in mind that alcohol can be a double-edged sword….the last thing you want is one of your guy friends whom you aren’t so close with to start hitting on your chick.   Restaurants can be a good place as well,  but keep in mind that if your girl is a bit shy and not that outgoing, she might get very uncomfortable, very quick.

Choose your friends wisely: 
Or at the very least, choose which friends you want to introduce her to as she will be most likely taking mental notes.  If it really matters to you that she accept your friends, no matter who they are or what they do, then by all means take her out to meet them.  Do realize that no matter what, she will most likely be judging you (however incorrectly) based upon the types of friends that you introduce her to.  If some of your friends are a bit over the top, then take a few minutes to mentally prepare her….

Timing:
There really isn’t a suggested time frame to introduce your new girlfriend to your buddies.  It really depends on the type of relationship you are in as well as the type(s) of friends that you have.   This is really a no-brainer, but most guys I know tend to not take it into consideration.

Since every relationship is different, a good rule of thumb is to wait about a month after you meet her even if you aren’t technically boyfriend/girlfriend yet.  Taking a girl that you are “just dating” (but all signs point to a relationship) to meet your friends can actually increase your chances of winding up in a relationship….just as much as they can decrease your chances based upon her impression of your friends.

Actions: 
Keep the kissing and fondling to a bare minimum, unless you have taken her to a swingers convention to “hang out” with the rest of the crew.  It will keep both your friends and your girl from feeling uncomfortable.   Some women really hate it when a guy acts differently around her than he does around his friends.  I have really never been able to figure this one out…but have gotten shit for it many a time.   I really don’t see myself acting differently around my guy friends (as I am sure you don’t as well) but women are real keen on picking up on things like this. 

Take a few seconds to analyze how you act around her vs. how you act around your buddies.  Let’s say that when you are around your girl, you act (whether it be fake or real) like you are a very sensitive guy….then when she sees you around your guy friends you act like a total dick, disregarding everybody’s feelings but your own.   To a female, this suggests that either you have been lying to her (without saying a word) since you first met her.  

With a little before hand planning, taking your girl out to meet your friends should be a very pleasurable experience for all involved.   Take a few minutes to carefully plan the time/date as well as intelligently select which friends you want her to meet first.   Keep in mind that just because you and your buddies are sworn blood brothers, does not necessarily mean that your new girlfriend will like them or vice-versa.   Try to plan the meet and greet so that all involved will feel comfortable and have a great time at the very least.   If you are worried that girlfriend/friends won’t mix like oil and water, plan for an easy exit out……lest she leaves early because you decided to join in with Bubba in farting “Dueling Banjos”.

Mr. Online Dating Matches provides New Years recommendations for the single set…

No better time than now….

It’s 22 days into 2009….how many of your new years resolutions have you broken already?  If you are like most people, the empty promises that you made to yourself at 11:59pm on Dec. 31^st are just a faded drunken memory.   Did you make any resolutions at all?  I think it was Ghandi who once said “We must be the change we wish to see”.  Even though the new years has come and gone, there is no better time than now to take a small assessment of your life and pick out a few things that you would like to work on in 2009.   Once you have assessed what aspect of your life you wish to change, write down the resolution as well as the start date on your calendar.  Every single month afterwards, until December 2009, mark the one month anniversary of your resolution and any accomplishments you have made towards your goal.  This is critical because not only does it keep your goal(s) fresh in mind, it allows you to look back on your progress which will only further motivate you to continue on.   If you are stuck for ideas, here are 5 good resolutions that probably could be applied to your life in one way or another:

1. Job

Whether you are a stuck in a dead end job or just looking to climb the corporate ladder a few steps, you should resolve to somehow better your career lot (or lack thereof).   Your only goal for your job should not be to “make more money” as you are only setting yourself up for failure.  You could potentially wind up even more miserable than you are now. Your goal should be to find a better job or better spot in the company that will allow you to do what you love for a living.  Once you are doing what you love, the money will naturally follow.

2. Women

Make it your goal that by Dec. 31^st, 2009, you will be ringing in the new year with the love of your life.  This is much easier said that done, but can be accomplished if you plan ahead.  Start your journey by realizing what types of women that you think you are most compatible with.  Figure out exactly what it is that you want in a relationship partner.  Then actively go out and search for that type of girl.  Don’t date a girl just to date.   Dating a girl for the sole purpose of not “being alone” (and getting some ass on the side) is counter-productive to your goal of meeting that one special woman.

3. Money

Now that George Bush and his business associates have ridden off into the sunset, chances are this country will still be in a recession.  Make it your goal to better manage your money this year so that you can be ready if the unthinkable happens (layoffs).  If you are lucky enough to have more than $1000.00 in your savings account, take some of that money and put it into a CD or invest it.  Why let the banks make a profit off your hard-earned money, while only paying you upwards of 1-2% interest?   Take some time and figure out where you can cut costs in your life so that at the end of the month you will have a few more dollars in your pocket.

4. Exercise

This is a no-brainer.  Join a gym. If time is a factor and you don’t have time for the gym, then buy a set of used dumbbells on Craigslist.  Every evening after you get off work, take 30 minutes to lift some weights.  There are countless self-help websites out there that give out free exercise and weight loss routines.  Burpees anyone?

5. Education

It doesn’t matter if you are a Harvard Graduate or just some schmuck who dropped out of high school, everyone in this country should be focused on trying to better their education.  Sign up for a community college class.  If community college just isn’t your thing, then subscribe to the NY Times and make it a point to keep up on current events.  Just yesterday I walked into this thing called a “bookstore”.  Your grandparents may have told you stories about these places….In this day and age, you probably do most of your reading on the internet…..but taking the time to reply to the funny email your buddy sent you just isn’t going to cut it.  Go to your local bookstore and pick out a book that interests you.  Before you go to bed, take 15 minutes to read a chapter or two.
Resolutions are like assholes, everyone has one (or two in some cases).  Nobody really wants to hear about what you “plan” on doing for the new years.  They would much rather hear what you “are” doing in the new year and what you have accomplished so far.  Make your new years resolutions part of your daily grind, keep a record of how far you have come and when December 2009 rolls around, you can sit back and congratulate yourself on a job well done.

4. Getting shot down

Even the best of us get shot down. As with online dating, you have to play the numbers game. Don’t take getting shot down personally. Try to use it to your advantage. At that same bar (different night) in Vancouver, I had my eyes on this hot little blond. I went over to the table she was sitting at and tried to start up a conversation. Right from the get-go, she was looking very uninterested and detached from the conversation. After about 5 minutes a guy walks up and put his arm around her. Apparently, this was her boyfriend. At this point I could have put my hands in my pockets, turned my face red and sulked away….but I played it cool and chatted with the both of them for a few. Turns out there was another group of girls sitting directly to the left of us and one of them overheard parts of our conversation and before I knew it I was at their table working on another cute blond.

Do a quick online search for how to talk to women at bars and you will find tons of advice from how to dress, to what to say, to how to act in certain situations. The truth of the matter is that what works on one girl, might not work on another. There really is no secret to talking to women. You can spend countless hours and hundreds of dollars trying to figure out the “secret” in picking up women at a bar. You can go out night after night and get shot down more times than a Japanese Kamikaze fighter. Or, you can save yourself all that time, money, embarrassment and aggravation by just taking baby steps by practicing talking to women you meet on the street in every day social situations. Before you know it talking to new women will be second nature and you will be getting new phone numbers in record amounts.

Attitude
Women can smell fear a mile away and smell the biggest loser 10 miles away. Nothing turns a female off more than a guy that just looks like he is desperate to talk to her.

You need to go in with the mental state that says you are just at the bar to have fun. Women are attracted to mystery as well as guys that look like they are fun to be around, like this guy. When you finally feel that your confidence is at an all-time high and you are ready to hit the bars in search of the girl of your dreams (or just a girl for the night), don’t do it. Do not go to a bar expecting to get a number. You are only setting yourself up for failure. Take it slow and sooner or later the right girl will come along.

2. Pick up lines don’t work.

Sometimes the best “opening line” to say to a female is nothing more than “hi!” (just make sure you’re smiling). There really is no definitive opening line to say to a woman. It various greatly between the girl and the situation you are in. Start off slow and let the conversation build. I was just recently in Vancouver and one night went down to the hotel bar. It was a 4 star hotel and the women there were stunningly beautiful as well as dressed to impress. I was dressed in a hooded sweatshirt, unshaven, wearing dirty jeans and a baseball cap. I probably looked like I just robbed the local 7-11 and was on my way to my gang initiation party. By the time the night was over, I had met 4 different women, gotten 2 of their numbers, one of whom wound up in my hotel room at 2 am.

What was my secret opening line? It had been raining cats and dogs for 3 days and all I said to them was: “Lovely Vancouver weather we are having?”. I used a situational opener, and I used it with confidence, all the while smiling. That’s all it took to open the conversation.

Chances are that if you are reading this article, you have a hard time talking to women in public places. Maybe you are shy….maybe you don’t have enough confidence…..maybe you just don’t know what to say. There are hundreds of websites, “self help” experts like Deepak Chopra, and other love gurus, as well as thousands of well-meaning advice articles on how to pick up women at bars. Let me save you $49.99 and tell you your basic problem as to why you constantly fail at talking to women:

1. You lack the basic and elementary social/verbal communication skills that are needed to successfully pick up and/or talk to women at a bar.

2. There is no “secret way” to pick up women at a bar.

So now that I have insulted you as well as ruined more than a few “self help” book sales….

Let’s get started on rebuilding your confidence and getting more than a few new phone numbers in your Blackberry Storm.

1. Practice makes perfect.

No matter what you do in life, you have to practice at it to be perfect. There is nothing more intimidating (and sometimes humiliating) than being shot down by a woman you are trying to talk to at a bar. Why torture yourself night after night after night? Start by taking baby steps. Practice talking to women when you are in the supermarket. Practice talking to women when you are in line at Starbucks. If you are so shy that talking to an attractive female is an unimaginable feat, practice talking to ugly chicks. This way you can concentrate on light and breezy conversation without being intimidated, no offense. Soon your confidence will grow to the point where it will become second nature to open a conversation with a female.

Next week: part two!

Ever been out on a date with a girl that you really liked and then wondered if you would ever see her again? Ever get lucky enough to meet a girl out
on the street somewhere (that doesn’t charge $250 an hour) who gives you her
number?

Chances are that you have always wondered if there was some sort of secret
to calling a girl for the first time. To be brutally honest with you, the
answer is “no”. Each date you go out on, each new girl that you meet in a
bar is totally different than the last one you met. Take into consideration
the different circumstances in each situation and you can see why it is
impossible to come up with a definitive rule as to when to call her for the
first time.

Being that we are guys and our general war cry is: “If we can’t f*ck it,
then we fight it”, situations like calling a girl for the first time can
cause a bit of stress and aggravation.

Here is a simple outline to follow when calling a girl for the first time:

1. The original meet and greet.

Think back to when you first met the girl (be it at a bar or on the first
date). (Example #1) Did she give you any signs whatsoever that there would
be a second date? (Example #2)?. Or did she give you a little peck on the
cheek and told you to “call me sometime”?

That could be a clear indication that she wasn’t that interested in you. If
a female is interested in you, then she will make her intentions known.
Women realize that us guys are as dense as a rock and can’t pick up on the
little hints they drop?. So they (should) realize that they need to make it
very clear that they want a second date.

2. The “wait 1 day to call” rule

I can’t think of a more asinine rule out there. I wonder how many guys out
there have lost a chance at a second (or first) date with a girl because
they waited too long to call her back. This is not to say that you should
call her right away when you get home from the date?.you just need to play
it by ear. Think back to rule #1 and ask yourself: Would it be appropriate
for me to call her the next day (example #1) or should I wait a few days
(example #2). Here is a tip: If you think the date went off well, send
her a text message when you get home. In fact, she will probably be the one to send you a text message (what a great surprise!). In the text message simply state: “Hey “so and so” had a great time tonight and look forward to seeing you sometime soon!”
If she responds, then you might have a nice little text chat before bed.

The main point here is to look at the situation. Sure, women love to be dragged along a bit and love mystery, but women also love to follow their feelings and fall head over heels for a guy. My only advice is “make yourself available, but not too available”.

3. Think before you speak.

So you have grown some balls and made a quasi-educated guess as to when the
right time is to call her for the first time. Do you know what you are going to talk about during the phone call? Even though you may be a cunning
linguist and can carry on a conversation with the best of them?..there could be a chance that you get nervous and/or draw a blank. There is nothing worse that two people sitting on opposite ends of the phone with nothing to say going “umm, ahhh”.
Make a short list of abbreviated topics you can talk about, should the conversation lull a bit. Don’t write out a 100 page script, lest you sound insincere and contrite.

4. Is there anybody out there?

Doesn’t it just suck when you call a girl and she doesn’t answer her phone
and her voicemail pops up! What do you do? Hang up, even though she
probably has caller ID on her cell phone and will see that you called?.but didn’t leave a message (how rude!).

The best thing to do is to leave a short but sweet message. Don’t be too specific with your intentions and for God’s sake do not mumble on like some idiot and scare her off. Think: light and breezy.

Take these suggestions into consideration before you call a girl and you will save yourself the time and potential embarrassment of a phone call gone wrong. If all else fails, keep in mind that you are a guy, and as such guys do not call women unless we have something to say!! Whatever you do, do not call her “just to talk”. That is setting yourself up for failure and on the quick road to “let’s just be friends“. Women like mystery. They like to be kept on their toes and even if you aren’t too good at playing hard to get with women?..you can use the first few phone calls to set up the proper suspense and surprise. Just another tool in landing the woman of your dreams?.

I met this chick at a bar a couple of weeks ago and she gave me her number. We talked back and forth over the phone and through text message and we really seemed to hit it off. Last week we decided to go to a local sushi bar for our first date. It was the date from hell. She looked nothing like I (drunkenly) remembered. There was no chemistry. Conversation sucked. To add insult to injury, the entire dinner date wound up costing me just under $250. That’s $250 that could have been better spent at Amazon on a new BluRay for my living room.

That got me thinking….

For guys, there is an unwritten rule that we have to pay for the first couple of dates. That can add up very quickly if you are dating more than one girl every few months. Throw in the economic crisis and you can find your bank account being depleted very quickly…..with nothing to show for it.

I would like to petition the National “Man Council” (not to be confused with the Council on Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians) to amend our charter with a new rule:

“When dating a new girl, thou shalt not pay more than $50 per date, for the first 5 dates.”

Unless you are dating some Paris Hilton type, chances are the girl you are with cares more about the quality of the date, rather than the price. It is a win-win situation as you don’t come off looking like you are trying too hard and you get to save a few bucks that are better spent on yourself. Here are 5 date ideas for under $50. (These ideas go beyond the traditional “dinner and a movie” date. While it is a tried and true classic, girls nowadays are looking for something they haven’t already done a million times).

1. Starbucks and a walk around a busy shopping area.

My personal M.O. On average, I go out on 5-10 dates per month. This can add up very quickly. Going the Starbucks route will only cost you ~$10 for the entire date and will be a light and breezy way of getting to know the girl you are with. It will leave her wanting more…and wondering what you have in store for the next date.

2. Save the whales!!

Nothing says “I really and truly care about others” than doing charity work. It won’t cost you a cent and you’ll come off as a super-charmer. If slimy fish creatures or picking up used hypodermic needles on the beach isn’t exactly your cup of tea, then try contacting a local church to see if they have any activities you can participate in.

3. Hiking and/or Bike ride.

Show off your stamina by taking a bike ride in a local park or outdoors area. Just be sure that you (and your date) are physically fit enough to do so. Lest you spend the second half of your date in the backseat of an ambulance, or worst yet, have to tell your date to “hold up” because you can’t physically go on any further. I wonder what she would be relating your “lowered stamina” to when that happens….

4. Local Amusement Park

Headsmacking tip #4. How many women have been taken to an amusement park on their first or second date? Chances are not many….Since most women love (perceived) danger, she can get her fill on the rollercoaster and have a great time. It could turn into the rollercoaster of love, get it?

There is one drawback though…..if for some reason you suddenly decide that you just aren’t into her, you could have a very awkward date while waiting 1 hour in line for a rollercoaster.

5. Cooking date

Invite her over for dinner with one catch: Both of you have to shop and prepare the food. You can get to know a lot about a girl by spending just a few minutes in the supermarket with her, as well as showing off your home economic skills in the kitchen. The great thing about this date is that once dinner is over, and she is full, you don’t have to worry about how to get her back to your place and on your couch….

Before you take a girl out, try to get to know a little bit about her likes and dislikes, without making it too obvious. Chances are she will give you her idea of the perfect “under $50 date” without even realizing it.