The Tail (sic) of Mortimer & Kate: A Love Story and Fable

Long ago, when cats and monkeys spoke English, there lived a kind-hearted cat named Kate. Kate was one of the few survivors of the Great Kitty Plague, and, with all her loved ones gone, she decided to leave her home in Catalina for a new life. “I’ve gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me,” said Kate one day. She talked about it, talked about it, talked about it, talked about it, and, finally, one day she packed up her kitty things and headed to the only town outside Catalina that she had ever heard of: Monkeytown.

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Dear DateSpacers,

Worn down by the Olympic games? We hear ya. Between the nail-biters (take that, France!), late nights (can’t…stop…watching…synchronized…diving), and heavy-handed, trite, pessimistic, melodramatic, overstated, histrionic, self-satisfied, narcissistic, Haterade-fueled, altogether unbearable commentary of Tim Daggett (Daggett, Tim, if I have to hear, “That was a disaster of epic proportions,” one more time… The Hindenburg was a disaster of epic proportions–not sticking a landing isn’t.

Dear DateSpacers,

Can you believe we’re already at No. 26? That means we’ve been at this Thursdates thing for nearly half a year now. We know what you’re thinking (see Thursdates, Issue 25). You’re thinking: “Wait, aren’t there 52 weeks in a year? And isn’t 26 half of 52? So doesn’t that mean they’ve been doing this for half a year? Man, this mosquito bite itches. I hope I don’t have West Nile virus. Virus. Miley Cyrus. So much talent in one family…”

[Editor’s note: we know…it’s Tuesday, not Thursday. But we’re back from vacation and have some serious catching up to do. So you’ll get two Thursdates this week. Consider yourself lucky! And click here for the archive of our amazingly hilarious, informative and link-filled email that goes up every Thursday.]

Dear DateSpacers,

Prepare to be amazed! In this email you will witness fantastical feats beyond your wildest imaginations!

More astounding than the size of Mary Murphy’s mouth!

More mystifying than trying to understand the words to Snow’s “Informer“!

Do not be alarmed, DateSpacers, but we can read your minds!

Yes, we can tell–at any time–exactly what you’re thinkign. For instance, right now you’re thinking, “Hey, they misspelled ”thinking.’”

Ta da!

Thursdates, Issue 24

Holy blockbuster, DateSpacers!

Have you seen the new Batman? POW! BAM! SOCK! What a knockout! We haven’t been this riveted to the screen since Michael Jackson’s Super Bowl XXVII performance of “Heal the World!” Yes, the anticipation of this flick had us more excited than Jesse Spano on caffeine pills–and we weren’t disappointed. Take your date to the next showing!

Reflecting on the movie-going event of the summer, we couldn’t help but wonder: of all the leading men who have played the Caped Crusader, who’s the most dateable?

an exercise in minimalism*

EXTRA! EXTRA! Somebody’s getting married!

Yes, it’s true: one of our very own is tying the knot this weekend! Just who in the Dickens is it, you ask? Let’s just say that while he may not be in charge of DateSpaces.com (at least not alone), he’s truly a prince.

In honor of our soon-to-be-wed, dear friend we present the poignant finale from the romantic classic of the Silver Screen: The Muppets Take Manhattan. Our mystery man is not unlike Kermit really: thoughtful, charming, slim, amphibious. (His bride-to-be, though, certainly outshines Miss Piggy. (Sorry, Piggy, but that perm!))

Dear DateSpacers and Yankee Doodle Dandies:

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July–perhaps the most important day in the history of American dating. As such, we invite you to carefully consider what your love life would be like if not for the Declaration of Independence:

Dear DateSpacers:

It’s hard to stay fresh after 19 installments of a serial e-newsletter. Mmmm… fresh cereal.

Speaking of cereal, ever notice how much you can tell about what kind of mate a person would make based on his or her favorite boxed breakfast food? For instance, it has been widely observed that those who prefer to start their day with Kellogg’s Nut & Honey Crunch are often poor communicators, making it difficult to cultivate emotional intimacy.

We asked DateSpaces.com’s resident psychobranalyst Dr. Katja E. Tennmeipopz to shed some light on the personalities associated with some of our favorite cereals.

Surf’s up, DateSpacers!

Tomorrow marks the official beginning of summer in heliocentric terms. This means different things to different people. For instance, if you’re: